Heading out of the House – Managing Uncertainty (Part 3 – Mental Tools)

1.       Talk to your family and friends about your condition.  This keeps them from being surprised if something needs to be modified (future posts will discuss friends and family more).  My family and friends know that hills are hard for me and that depending on how I am feeling, I may need to rest or walk shorter distances.  I also don’t do stairs so we know to look for other options or only go places where there are elevators.  This makes it so I don’t have to tell them “no” and feel like a drag.  I also find that a little up front education allows us to do stuff without ever having to discuss my arthritis.  I find a day when no one mentions that I am different to be a good day.  If we all just head to the elevator, then it doesn’t make me feel as abnormal. 

2.       Listen to your mental state.  Sometimes we aren’t in the mood to stick out and be weird.  And there are some groups of people where it is harder to bring up what you need.  Plan ahead and either only go for activities you know you can do, or mentally prepare yourself for a tougher time.  What you don’t want to do is go to something and then not have the emotional fortitude to ask for what you need.  This can be a disaster.  It is good to recognize that it isn’t easy standing out and it is okay to skip an event every once and a while if the benefit isn’t worth the cost.  Later, I’ll have more blog posts about staying connected with friends despite limitations.

3.       Don’t be too hard on yourself.  Approach it like a scientist.  Not every strategy will work.  It takes a while to learn your limits and figure out what is too much.  Having some missteps doesn’t mean it will go just as badly next time.  Have a plan, follow it and then evaluate it afterwards.  Decide what worked well and what you might do differently next time.  For me, even if I have a bad reaction, if I have in the back of my mind how I will do it differently next time, it makes it feel less permanent.  Even the missteps help to get to a better long term situation.  Honestly, one bad experience usually teaches us several things about our body and so instead of dwelling on the frustrating parts, celebrate what you have learned and put it to good use next time.